So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
