I want to make a zoo with you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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