Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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