I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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