the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
MIDGETS
????
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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