take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
