They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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