Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
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FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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