I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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