Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Shame - the story of my life.
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