Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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