He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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