No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
