you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
