Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
