I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
