3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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