no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
