i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
