need another drink. this is the easiest way
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
