Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
