Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
