My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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