can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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