Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
