your thong is hanging out like whoa
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
