whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
