I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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