All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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