I heard we made out
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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