I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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