tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
