I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
