I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
