just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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