I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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