Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize