told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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