I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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