im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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