I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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