I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You pole danced in your parka.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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