At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
