i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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