Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
