I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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