Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
