I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize