i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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