My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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