I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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