nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
