I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize