If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
