seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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