I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
