do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
