i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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