I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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